There is perhaps no more specifically British experience than standing in a queue at a mid-range hotel, watching the carvery master carve roast beef with the solemn precision of a surgeon, while a small army of sauce boats sits waiting to be dumped onto your plate in an act of culinary hubris. Yorkshire puddings the size of small satellites. Roast potatoes that somehow manage to be both crispy and fluffy despite the laws of physics saying they can’t. And somewhere in this glorious excess, eggs get left out entirely.
Today’s recipe is a corrective. Eggs Royale — poached eggs on toasted bread with smoked fish and hollandaise — but dressed up in full carvery regalia. We’re adding crispy bacon (because bacon on everything is a British national institution), a splash of brown sauce (the kind of addition that separates the brave from the cautious), and enough hollandaise to make a French chef weep into his béarnaise. Serve it with a side of Yorkshire puddings if you want to go completely over the top. Or just serve it and let the hollandaise do the talking.
Ingredients
- 4 large eggs, preferably from hens who’ve seen better days
- 4 thick slices of sourdough or brown bread, toasted
- 120g smoked salmon or smoked trout (the tinned stuff is absolutely fine — this isn’t the Ritz)
- 8 rashers of smoked streaky bacon, cooked until properly crispy
- 200g butter (unsalted, though at this point who’s counting)
- 3 egg yolks
- 1 tbsp white wine vinegar
- 1 tbsp lemon juice
- 1 tsp Dijon mustard
- 2 tbsp brown sauce (Lee’s, HP, or whatever your family has been arguing about since 1983)
- Chopped chives for garnish
- Pinch of cayenne pepper
- Salt and freshly ground black pepper
Method
- Make the hollandaise first — because it can’t wait and neither can you. Whisk the 3 egg yolks with the lemon juice and Dijon mustard in a heatproof bowl over a pan of barely-simmering water (don’t let the bowl touch the water). Keep whisking until the mixture thickens and looks like loose cream — about 3-4 minutes.
- Remove from heat and gradually whisk in the melted butter, one spoonful at a time. This is the critical moment — go too fast and you get scrambled eggs in a bowl, which is fine honestly, but not what we’re going for. Add a teaspoon of hot water if it gets too thick. Season with salt, pepper, and a pinch of cayenne. Keep warm.
- Get the bacon crispy. Fry the rashers in a cold pan, then turn the heat to medium. Let them slowly render and crisp up — about 5-6 minutes. They should be the sort of bacon that makes noise when you pick it up with your fingers. Remove and drain on kitchen paper.
- Poach the eggs. Fill a wide pan with water, add the white wine vinegar, and bring to a gentle simmer — you want bubbles at the edges, not a rolling boil. Make a gentle whirlpool with a spoon, crack an egg into the centre, and cook for exactly 3 minutes. The white should be set but the yolk should still wobble like a very confident jelly. Repeat with remaining eggs, or poach two at a time if you’re feeling brave. Remove with a slotted spoon and drain briefly on kitchen paper.
- Toast the bread. Thick slices, properly toasted — the kind of toast that requires some persuasion to butter. Don’t skimp on the thickness.
- Assemble with the confidence of someone who has never had a hollandaise break on them. Lay the toast down. Top with a layer of smoked salmon (folded, not shredded — it needs to look deliberate). Add two pieces of crispy bacon on top. Place the poached egg in the centre. Now — the moment you’ve been working towards — laddle hollandaise over everything. We’re talking a generous amount. This is carvery-level excess. Drizzle with brown sauce (this is where it becomes properly British), scatter with chives, and serve immediately.
Serving note: If you have Yorkshire puddings in the cupboard, serve them on the side. If you don’t, you’ll be fine — the hollandaise is doing enough heavy lifting. Best eaten with a large glass of something cold and ideally following a long walk that you definitely didn’t need to take.
